


The Lady and the Squire

by Northern_Lady



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Assassins & Hitmen, Attempted Murder, Fealty, Hurt/Comfort, Knighthood, Longing, Loyalty, Safety, Sansa still wants to loved, Secret Admirer, even after all this time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-08-02 23:30:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16314734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Northern_Lady/pseuds/Northern_Lady
Summary: Podrick Payne has long loved Sansa Stark from afar. Begins during Tyrions trial for the murder of Joffrey and spans to future material.





	1. Chapter 1

It wasn’t hard to find the young squire. Jaime found him still in his brother Tyrion’s rooms, still keeping to his duties while they awaited the trial. 

“My lord?” Podrick looked up from the boots he as polishing, Tyrion’s boots. His brother had been right. Podrick was indeed loyal. 

“Podrick, it isn’t safe for you here,” Jaime said sadly. He was sure that Tyrion had already told him this. Why was the lad still here at such peril?

“I know my lord but if Lord Tyrion needs me at least he can send for me here.” Podrick said, only a little argumentative. 

“If he needs you, he’ll need you alive. You can’t stay here. I have arranged a passage for you to return to your Uncle’s at House Payne. It would be best if you went home,” Jaime told him. 

Podrick got to his feet looking worried. “No one wants me there. I can’t go home. It isn’t even my home anyhow.” 

“Then I’ll send you somewhere else. Braavos? Volantis?” Jaime had been told that Pod was a very obedient squire. That didn’t seem to be true right now. 

“Kingslanding is a big place. I could hide right here and no one would find me.” 

Jaime shook his head. “I haven’t got time to argue about this. I have a lot to do today. My duties as lord commander of the kingsguard keep me busy enough and I still need to find time to send off Brienne of Tarth. The point is, I’m not going to stand around trying to convince you. Either you leave or my sister will find you. Do you understand that?” 

“Yes Ser,” Podrick nodded sadly. “Except I’m not the only person you sister is looking for. I’m not the only person she would throw in a cell. If I leave, I know you’ll help Lord Tyrion...maybe help him escape...but what if your sister finds...finds someone else that I care about and puts them in a cell...I can’t help if I’m not here.” 

Jaime wasn’t sure what Podrick was talking about for a moment. Who was it that Podrick cared about that Cersei would have any interest in throwing into a cell? Podrick was a member Payne and it seemed that Ser Illyn was not close to Podrick or in any danger of Cersei’s wrath. Jaime’s eyes fell on the items on the table in front of Podrick. Tyrion’s boots, a polishing rag, a half eaten bowl of stew, and a silk scarf of gray fabric that had to have belonged to Sansa Stark when she lived here. 

“You’re staying here for Lady Sansa?” Jaime asked him outright. 

Podrick flushed bright red. “I don’t have to stay here in these rooms. In fact usually, I’m not here. I have a place in the city I can hole up…but if she comes back, if the queen catches her and makes her come back…”

“If Cersei finds Sansa there will be nothing you can do for her,” Jaime told him plainly. 

“She didn’t kill him,” Podrick said, believing every word of it. 

“And how do you know that?” 

“Because she never stopped crying. Lord Tyrion gave her a bedchamber of her own and I slept on a cot just outside her door. Every night I could hear her crying. And every day she was stoic and courteous. If she’d had a plan, a way to kill Joffrey and escape, she would have seemed happier or maybe more worried and she would have stopped crying.” 

Jaime knew there was a bit of truth to Podrick’s words. There was also something else in the young man’s tone. “How long have you been in love with Lady Sansa?” 

Pod looked down at his feet. “It doesn’t matter,” he said after a brief silence. “I’m only a squire and she has a husband and no one knows where she is anyway.” 

“No, no one does,” Jaime said with a sigh, “But I am sending Brienne of Tarth to look for Sansa. You should go with Brienne and aid in the search.” 

Pod cheered up a little at those words. “I will, but you can’t tell her why I have to be there.” 

“Brienne needs a squire. You need to leave the city. That seems reason enough to me. Pack your things, I will return for you in two hours.” Jaime left the lad alone and went off to find Brienne. 

***

Podrick had never been much of a fighter. He found himself facedown on the ground in the Winterfell courtyard during another sparring round with Brienne. It really didn’t bother him all that much that he couldn’t beat Brienne in practice. Sure, people laughed that he got beaten again and again by a woman but it didn’t matter because none of them never seemed to notice the most important thing. Podrick knew that he actually could fight when people he cared about depended on it. He had saved Lord Tyrion during the Blackwater, and had been able to fight Ramsey’s men to help Lady Sansa all those months ago. What he was able to do in the practice yard didn’t mean anything as long as he was learning skills that he could use later when it really did matter. Brienne thought she was failing at teaching him but Pod was pretty sure she hadn’t failed at all, there just hadn’t been that many opportunities to fight for people he cared about. Not yet anyway. 

Pod picked himself up out of the mud and saw that Sansa had been watching the fight from up on the balcony. He wished she wouldn’t do that. He didn’t care if the men laughed at him but he didn’t like Sansa to think poorly of him. 

“I think that’s enough for today,” Brienne said. 

“As you wish, my lady,” Pod said, glad to escape Sansa’s gaze. He went back to his room near the quarters of the men at arms and began to unlace his leather armor just to change out of the sweaty tunic underneath. 

He had to hurry. This time of day Sansa would be going to the godswood. He would go to a spot along the parapets where he could see the path to the godswood and see to it that no one followed her there. Most times only Arya or Bran would go with her but sometimes she would go alone and he always watched just in case any danger should arise. Sansa didn’t know he was guarding her from a distance. Pod would have never considered telling her. He rarely ever even spoke to her and only then if she spoke first. No, he kept his distance and did what he could for her from his station as squire. 

Back in a change of clothes, Pod hurried to the parapet along the wall where he could see the path to the godswood. Sansa was just entering the snowy pathway in the distance. Someone else was on top of the wall as well. 

“What are you doing up here lad?” the Hound’s grumpy tone very nearly startled Pod. 

“Just keeping a lookout,” Pod left off the Ser, knowing that Clegane didn’t want to be addressed as Ser. 

The Hound’s gaze fell on Sansa in the distance. “I saw you up here yesterday, and the day before. She know that you stand guard when she goes to the godswood?” 

“No,” Pod said simply. 

The hound grinned a big scary grin. “Doesn’t matter if you rescue her. She still isn’t going to fuck you. She might grant you a favor in a tourney you think?” 

Podrick shrugged his shoulders. He never expected to win Sansa’s attention. She was a lady and he was a squire from a lesser house. “She can’t grant any favors to anyone if she’s dead.” 

The hound sobered a little at those words. Then he scowled at something in the distance on the ground. Podrick followed his gaze. Two strange men were entering the path to the godswood. Those two were followed by two more, then a fifth man. 

“You ever seen those cunts before?” Clegane asked. 

“Never.” Pod didn’t wait to see if the Hound would follow. He ran to the stairwell down to the ground and out to the snowy path. 

***

“Enter,” Jon Snow called out at the knock on the door to his solar. 

“You sent for me, your grace?” The hound entered the room and shut the door behind him. 

“Aye. I wanted to thank you properly for what you did for Sansa today,” Jon said. 

“Save your thanks. It wasn’t me that did it,” Sandor said, irritation in his tone. 

Jon was more than a little surprised to hear that. “There were five men and Podrick still isn’t awake from his injuries. I just assumed that…” 

Sandor shook his head. “The lad got to Lady Sansa before I did. He’s quick and with my gimp leg I’m not so fast anymore.”

“You’re telling me that Podrick Payne killed five of Cersei Lannister’s men?” Jon didn’t quite believe it. “All by himself? We’ve all seen him fight in the yard. He’s not a fighter. He’s a good lad but fighting is not one of his strengths.” 

“Aye, but the boy has killed people twice before. Once to save Tyrion Lannister, and once to save the Lady Sansa when she escaped Ramsay Bolton. Some men are born to be fighters and others can only fight when they have to.” Sandor said with a shrug. 

“But he didn’t have to,” Jon said. 

“You haven’t seen him have you? He goes up to the parapets every day when your sister goes to the godswood. He goes up there and stands guard. And at feasts when all the men get drunk Podrick hardly drinks a damn thing. He eats and he watches. He watches the men and he watches the Lady Sansa. Someone’s got to be sober to make sure she stays safe. I’m just glad it hasn’t got to be me.” 

Jon thought over Clegane’s words for a moment. It was true that Podrick was loyal but the Hound was hinting at something more than just loyalty. “If he cares for her why does he never speak to her?” 

“Maybe he thinks a squire isn’t worthy of the lady of Winterfell. Maybe his tongue is too tied up to know what to say. Be fucked if I know.” 

“Whatever his reasons, he deserves a Knighthood for what he did today,” Jon said. 

***

Podrick couldn’t rest, couldn’t sleep. His shoulder still hurt too much from the stab wound and the words of Jon Snow still rung in his ears. “You will be knighted for this, for saving my sister from Cersei’s assassins. Just rest and heal and we’ll have the ceremony later.” 

All these months, all these years really, he had been telling himself that a squire had no place being in love with the Lady of Winterfell. He had kept his distance and admired her from afar but now, now he was about to become a knight. He was still a knight from a lesser house. He still had no lands or holdings either, but as a knight it was acceptable for him to at least speak to her and engage in conversations about matters other than matters of household. And the very idea of trying to have these conversations terrified him more than Cersei’s five assassins ever could. 

A knock sounded at the door and Podrick startled at the sound. “Enter,” he called out, adjusting the blankets to cover his blood soaked bandages only to have them fall from his shoulder in spite of his efforts. 

Pod tried to still his features when he saw that it was Sansa entering his room. “Jon told me you were awake,” Sansa said, a candle in her hand lit the room. 

“I can’t really sleep much anyhow,” Pod admitted, then wished he hadn’t. 

“I can send the maester to give you something to help you sleep,” she offered. 

Pod shook his head. “There’s no need. I’m fine really.” 

Sansa nodded uncomfortably. “I came to thank you properly, for what you did today, and for what you did before when I escaped Ramsay. I never properly thanked you for that. I wasn’t myself. I’m not myself today either,” she said and Pod could see that her hands were shaking by the way the candlelight flickered in the room. “I suppose when someone tries to kill you it makes you forget your courtesies for a time. This time I remembered them.” 

“You don’t have to thank me,” Pod said, the honesty pouring out of him without thinking about it. “I wouldn’t hesitate to do it again if anyone attempted to harm you at all.” 

Sansa let out a breath and placed the candle on the table near the door. She turned to face Pod and for a moment he was worried that he had said the wrong thing. “Your bandage needs changing,” Sansa finally said. She took some bandage rags from the top of the shelf and pulled a wooden chair over to the bedside. 

Pod tried not to flinch as Sansa sat at his bedside and changed his bandage with her own hands. She had never touched him before today. Her hands were soft and gentle and despite the pain from his wound and from moving the bandage aside to replace it, he didn’t want her touch to end. 

“Thank you,” Podrick told her when she was finished. 

Her gaze met his. “No, thank you,” she said, tears in her eyes, her tone held a certain sadness. 

“I told you my lady, there’s no need…” he trailed off, not wanting to insult her. 

“Not for that. I mean I am more than grateful to still be alive and I owe you that, but there’s something else I need to thank you for.” 

“For what, my lady?” Podrick had no idea what she could be talking about. 

“The truth is, I told no one that I was visiting this room. I am here and the door is shut and I am not afraid. These past years, after everything, it has been difficult to know who to trust, but you...you would never harm me. That means a great deal to me.” 

“I would never harm you,” Pod resisted the temptation to reach out and brush the tears from her face. “And I will always do everything I can to keep anyone else from harming you.” 

“Is that an oath?” she asked, half serious, half a jest. 

“I don’t care much for oaths. Maybe I’ve spent too much time around the Hound. It’s just a truth is all.” 

Sansa nodded understanding and got to her feet. “I’ll check in on you tomorrow,” she said as she moved towards the door. “I can’t have my most loyal knight getting an infection.” 

“Of course not. That would be tragic.” Pod replied and a grin formed on his face as Sansa closed the door and took the candlelight with her.


	2. Chapter 2

Sansa approached Podrick’s room with a bundle of fresh bandages on her arm and a vaguely familiar feeling in the pit of her stomach. The last time she had felt anything similar to this had been when she had watched Ser Loras Tyrell in a tourney all those years ago. He had given her a rose and she had smiled, so full of joy at gaining the attention of a handsome knight. Sansa stopped short outside Pod’s door, hesitant to enter at the realization of what those feelings meant. She was no longer that silly little girl who wanted a knight to rescue her. She had told Jon that no one could protect anyone and she had meant it. Yet here she was, standing outside the door of a young man who had indeed protected her and had done so more than once. Podrick was kindhearted and not at all the monster Joffrey or Ramsay had been. At this point she couldn’t be sure if he had helped her simply out if the goodness of his heart, or because he had feelings for her, or because he had hoped to gain notoriety by saving the lady of Winterfell. He was being knighted for his efforts after all. Perhaps that was all the reward he had wanted. Some part of her hoped that it was. She knew Podrick wouldn’t hurt her but she had yet to shake all the memories of what Ramsay had done to her. Another marriage or even a lover was not something she was ready for and perhaps never would be. 

Sansa knocked lightly on the thick wooden door. 

“Enter,” Podric called out from within. 

It was daylight this time and light from the window lit the small room when Sansa entered. Podrick was not in bed but was sitting in a chair reading. 

“My Lady,” he said simply in greeting and set the book aside. 

“It’s good to see you are doing better,” Sansa said. “I brought a change of bandages.” She went to him and sat on the edge of the bed near his chair and began to change the bandage. She felt warmth within her belly as her hands touched his bare shoulder and she was almost sure her cheeks had flushed red. She told herself to stop it. There was no cause for blushing here. It was well within her duties as the lady of Winterfell to help tend the injuries of a knight wounded in her defense. It wasn’t duty that had made her blush and she knew it. She had blushed because this was the first time she had ever touched a man and liked it. 

Sansa hadn’t known until that moment that it was even possible for her to feel this way. She had been convinced that Ramsay and Joffrey had destroyed all the desires for love she’d had as a child. It angered her to find that those desires did somehow still exist within her. It angered her to realize that she was still the stupid little girl she had always been. Podrick was lower born than her. If he wanted anything from her, it was probably only her claim to Winterfell and station as sister of the king. 

She finished up the bandages swiftly. 

“Are you alright, my lady?” Podrick asked her, making her aware that she was crying. 

“I’m fine,” she took one of the extra bandages and wiped away her tears a little more harshly than she intended. “I apologize.” 

“There’s no need to apologize. It’s not the first time I’ve seen or heard you crying. If there’s anything I can do…” he offered. 

“When did you hear me crying?” her curiosity got the better of her. 

“Back in Kingslanding. My cot in Lord Tyrion’s rooms was right outside your bed chamber door. Lord Tyrion told me I could put the cot wherever I wanted but I put it there just in case.” 

“In case of what?” she asked him, remembering one occasion when she had woken up early and found him sleeping outside her door. He must have woken before her the rest of the time. 

“In case you needed help. In case anyone came for you.” 

“You were standing guard,” she said with realization. 

He nodded. 

If Podrick had been looking out for her even then, while she had been married to Tyrion, then he had done so during a time when he had no chance of marrying her for her claim himself. Not unless he plotted to murder Tyrion and take his place and Tywin would have never let that happen. Had Podrick cared for her all this time? “Why would you do that?” she breathed the question, just needing to know, needing to hang onto the smallest bit of hope within her that there was a little truth to the songs she used to love. 

This time it was Pod’s turn to turn red. “I know I’m not much of a fighter but I couldn’t have lived with myself if I let anything happen to you and I didn’t at least try to stop it.” 

That hadn’t exactly been the answer she had been hoping for. Truthfully, she didn’t know what she hoped for or what she believed. Maybe Podrick was telling the truth. Maybe he was just a loyal squire and had simply cared about her safety. Or maybe he had designs on moving up in the world through her. Except, if he had, why hadn’t he ever really talked to her or try to win her over? All he had ever done is stand silently by and lend his help when he could. Those were not the actions of a man out to gain power. Those actions meant something else entirely, didn’t they? 

“My lady, something worries you. What is it?” Podrick asked her when the silence spanned too long. 

For a moment she considered making up some trivial lie and leaving him to his rest but brushed aside the idea almost as soon as it came. She was a Stark. There was value in honesty even if that honesty was terrifying. 

“Yesterday I told you that I know you won’t harm me. What I don’t know, is why you are helping me.” Sansa made herself say the words. 

Podrick thought about her words before answering. “I always liked the stories of knights. I always wanted to be a knight and have a lady to fight for. When Lord Tyrion married you, at first, I looked out for you because it was my duty...but after a while...after a while it stopped being about duty and became about something else.” 

He was talking about love. He didn’t have to say the words for Sansa to understand his meaning. She felt so torn at what he had just said that she couldn’t stay seated. She got up, not knowing how to reconcile the warring emotions inside her. She crossed her arms across herself firmly, willing herself not to start crying again. Love was possible. It did exist for some people. Her parents had loved each other. Jon had loved his wildling. And yet all she had known of men so far had been abuse and torment. Did she dare trust that this was genuine? 

“My lady?” Podrick got up out of his chair with a bit of effort. For a fleeting moment Sansa thought he might block the doorway to keep her from leaving. Pod didn’t do any such thing. He stayed near the chair. “If I said something amiss, I am sorry.” 

She turned to face him. “You didn’t. I think you were trying to indicate that you care for me. If it was genuine, there is nothing amiss in that.” 

Understanding dawned on Podrick. “I imagine it is difficult for you to believe it was genuine. I don’t care about Winterfell. I don’t care about power or wealth or being friends with the king.  
Only about you my lady. That’s the truth of it.” 

“And what do you plan to do about it?” Sansa asked, her emotions still at war. “Once you are knighted, will you ask Jon for a betrothal?” 

“No,” Podrick said sadly. “I won’t ask him for any such thing because I don’t think you should be forced to marry someone you don’t love.”. 

His answer stunned her, bringing her warring emotions to a swift halt. She let out a breath she hadn’t known she had been holding. “You’re right, I wouldn’t want to marry again, especially not someone I don’t love. But perhaps I could spend a little more time with a certain soon to be knight who saved my life.” 

Podrick smiled a little at her words. “I look forward to it.”


	3. Chapter 3

The ceremony was finished and he was now officially Ser Podrick Payne. This was something he had wanted all his life and now it had finally happened. The group of Lords and Ladies who had gathered for the ceremony were leaving the great hall. Brienne watched looking both proud and sad. Jon stood before him with just a hint of a smile on his face. Jon so rarely smiled that it was an unusual sight to see. 

“How does it feel to be a knight?” Brienne wandered over and asked him as the hall emptied out. 

“It doesn’t feel quite real. I’m not so sure I’m worthy of it,” Pod replied honestly. He wondered if Brienne was disappointed that she hadn’t been knighted herself, that her squire had attained this station before she did. He didn’t ask. 

“Of course you’re worthy of it,” Brienne said firmly. “I couldn’t have had a more honorable squire. It’s far past time.” 

“Thank you my lady,” Pod said sincerely. 

She put a hand on his shoulder, nodded curtly, then left the hall. Podrick headed for the door at the far end of the hall to make his own exit. He heard the sound of a chair being pushed back as Sansa got up from her seat at the dais but he didn’t look back at her. He couldn’t. He had all but told her he was in love with her two days ago and she hadn’t spoken to him since then. It was better to just keep his distance from her as he had always done. 

“Ser Payne?” Sansa called after him. 

Podrick stopped moving. Sansa was the first to call him by his new title and it meant more than he had expected coming from her. She caught up to him and he turned to face her. “My lady?” Jon had left the hall through one of the other doors. The two of them were alone. 

“I am about to visit the godswood. There’s no need for you to stand guard on the parapets this time. You might as well come with me,” she told him. 

“Of course my lady,” he replied as evenly as he could. 

“You may call me Sansa,” she added as she moved towards the door. 

“Then you can call me Pod,” he said, following her and then remaining at her side. 

“You’re giving up your title of Ser rather quickly,” she said with a small smile. 

“I do rather like the Ser, but I don’t need it. I could continue to be only Podrick without too much trouble.” 

She glanced over at him, a curious expression on her face. “Good. The last thing we need around here are more knights who are too important for their own good. Besides, I liked you just as well as a squire.” 

“You did?” The question slipped out without his meaning it to. 

“Remember that night when we traveling to the Wall and Brienne heard something in the forest? She got up to go find out what the sound was and left the two of us alone for probably hours,” Sansa reminded him. 

“I remember. I thought you were asleep.” 

“I wasn’t, I just didn’t feel much like talking. Everything that had happened was still too fresh and too terrifying to put into words. I was still afraid even then but after an hour or so I opened my eyes and watched you sitting by the fire with your sword on the ground at your side. And I remember thinking how nice it was to just be able to go to sleep and not need to worry what you might do next. I worried that Ramsay still might be looking for me. I worried that if we reached the Wall, Jon might be out ranging and his men wouldn’t let me in. I worried about the nightmares that I knew I would have if I did sleep. But I didn’t have to worry about you and that meant a great deal to me,” She admitted with emotion in her tone. “So yes, I liked you just as well as a squire.” 

Pod didn’t know what to say. He was aware that she didn’t trust very many people. The fact that she trusted him as much as she did was no small thing. “Do you still have nightmares?” he asked her as they reached the path to the godswood. 

“Yes. Some nights I wander the castle because I can’t sleep. I have been told they will fade with time but I’m not so sure about that. I should probably ask the maester for a sleeping draught but I don’t want to sleep too deeply and not be able to waken in an emergency.” 

“You can always wake me if you don’t want to wander the castle alone. I would walk with you,” he offered, unsure if she would accept his offer or how she would take it. She could just as easily wake Brienne or Arya if she were frightened and lonely. 

She thought about his words for a moment. “I might do that. Thank you.” 

They reached the godswood and Sansa knelt down by the heart tree. “I don’t pray you know.” 

“I didn’t know, but I suspected,” he told her. “Seems to me that you have suffered too much to believe the gods would be of any help. I expect you just come here out of tradition.” 

“Something like that, yes,” Sansa agreed. “There is comfort in some traditions. Others need to be done away with but coming here and kneeling before the heart tree as my father did and his father before him, it helps me feel as if I am doing something right in the world.” 

“Of course you are doing something right in the world. You have done nothing wrong my lady, nothing of consequence anyway.” 

“But I have. As a child I treated Jon badly because he was a bastard. I treated Arya badly because she wasn’t a lady. Worst of all I got my father killed by telling the queen he meant to leave Kingslanding. No matter how many times I come here and repent to the gods who can not hear me, I can never take back those things I have done.” 

Podrick sat down on the ground next to where Sansa knelt in the snow. His back was to the heart tree while she sat facing it. “I think Jon has forgiven you. Arya has too. And we both know that the queen had dozens of spies and whisperers. She would have found out your father meant to leave no matter what you did. You are not to blame. Not really.” 

“She did have spies,” Sansa said with realization. “You really think she already knew?” 

Pod nodded. “The Hand of the King leaving the city was no small matter. I doubt he could have kept it secret from all her spies. The queen already knew. I am sure of it.” 

“That doesn’t make what I did of any less consequence. I betrayed my father.” 

“I ate a stolen ham,” Pod said with a shrug. “I was very nearly hanged for it. Maybe I should have been.” 

“Hanged, over the theft of a ham?” Sansa said, concerned and upset. “I don’t think anyone deserves to die over a ham.” 

“And I don’t think anyone deserves to hate themselves over a few words they once said that would have been said by someone else anyway.” 

She took his words to heart before saying anything more. “How did you escape the hanging?” 

“Lord Tywin. He stopped it from happening and sent me to squire for his son. It was meant as a joke. I was sent as punishment, both for myself and lord Tyrion. Lord Tyrion didn’t truly believe his son needed a squire so he sent a disgraced boy to squire for a man who would never be a knight.” 

“But Tyrion became Hand of the Queen and you became a knight after all,” Sansa said hopefully. 

“I guess we both got what we wanted,” Pod said, not truly convinced of it. 

“You guess?” Sansa asked, picking up on his doubts. “There is something else you want out of life?” 

“Only one thing and I don’t expect I’m going to get it. Most of us just have to learn to be happy with our lot in life. That’s okay by me.” He made his words purposely vague and for the most part they were the truth. 

She regarded him with curiosity. “What is it, the one thing you want?” 

He shook his head. There was no way he was telling her the answer to that question. He had revealed far too much already in the past week. “Best not ask me that, my lady.” 

“Sansa. You should call me Sansa,” she reminded him. “And you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to but how do ever expect to get something that you want if you don’t ask for it, if you keep it secret?”

“It’s as I said. I don’t expect to get it. I’m not worthy to have it,” Pod said a little sad, “And if I ever could be worthy, it’s too late.” He told her, knowing that she was too far above his station to ever care for him the way he did for her and even if she could have ignored all that, she could not ignore what Ramsay had done to her. It was too late to hope to win her trust enough for that. 

Sansa was still watching him with a look that he could not interpret. Then she reached over and took his hand. “You might be surprised,” she said, her gaze not leaving his. 

“You mean…?” he swallowed the lump in his throat. Maybe she didn’t understand what he was talking about. Maybe she was trying to tell him he was worthy of being lord of a castle or great feats of battle. “Do you even know what I am talking about?” 

“I have some idea, but I can’t know if you won’t tell me,” she squeezed his hand hopefully. 

Pod sighed, trying to find his courage. He was a knight now. He shouldn’t be afraid of something as simple as the rejection of a woman. “The truth is, I love you. I have for a long time...loved you...and I don’t expect you wanted to hear that so I’ve been keeping it to myself.” 

Her eyes filled with tears. She shook her head. “There was time, when I was a girl that the only thing I wanted to hear was that a knight loved me. I thought I threw those dreams away a long time ago but you have reminded me that they do still exist. Don’t give up on me Pod. It might not be too late,” she told him, wiping away at her tears. 

“Really?” This was not what he had expected to hear. “So when you said you would spend more time with me...you meant it as...as a courtship?” 

Sansa blushed bright red and Pod wondered if he had said the wrong thing. 

“I wouldn’t have presumed to ask for such a thing. It’s not a lady’s place. But if you asked it of me, I would say yes.” 

“Then I ask it,” Pod said without hesitation. “I ask that you give me a chance to win your love. If you can give me that chance then I promise you I will never touch you without your permission,” he said, realizing in that moment that she was still holding his hand. It was a promise he had to make all the same. He’d had a cousin who was raped once and she had told him that she never wanted a man to touch her again. Sansa very likely wanted the same or was at least frightened at the prospect.

Sansa nodded in response. “You may court me. I am a broken woman and I can not know if I can ever give you what you want but I am willing to try. I hope that is enough.” 

“It’s more than enough, far more than I had hoped for,” he told her and it truly was. 

***

The nightmares returned that night. Sansa got out of her bed and as usual began to wander the halls of Winterfell. She passed Pod’s door three times before she finally gathered the courage to knock. She knew she probably looked a wreck. He hair was askew. There were tears on her face. She had hardly slept at all so the lack of sleep had to be visible on her face. She considered waking Arya or Brienne or even Jon. It was something she considered each time she had these nightmares but she didn’t like to wake Arya or Brienne because they wouldn’t understand. They were warriors. They didn’t know what it was to be overpowered by a man. She felt ashamed to have them see her fear. And Jon, Jon would only feel guilty that he hadn’t left his post and saved her from Ramsay in the first place. She didn’t like to bother him or give him cause to feel guilty. 

She knocked on Pod’s door with a mixture of hesitation and anticipation. Pod opened the door shirtless and sleepy. “My lady?” he said a little surprised, then stepped back into the darkened room and pulled on a tunic. 

Sansa tried not to stare at the shirtless young knight. It had been ages since she had found herself gazing longingly at a handsome knight and none of them had ever been shirtless. None of her childish longings were quite like the womanly lust she felt now. 

“You’ve had nightmares,” Pod said returning to the door. “Let me walk with you?” 

Sansa was about to agree and begin walking but something stopped her. Truthfully she was exhausted and walking about the castle was the last thing she wanted. “I don’t want to walk,” she let the truth spill out. “I never do. I only do it because I don’t want to go back to my nightmares...I’m tired though…” 

“If you don’t want to walk, what would you have me do?” 

“Sit with me in the solar?” she asked. That seemed less exhausting than walking. She would leave the door open so it wouldn’t be entirely improper. Besides, she was a widow now and not some innocent maiden. People cared less about her virtue now than they once had. 

“Of course,” Pod agreed and went with her to the solar that adjoined her bedchamber and Jon’s. 

Sansa sat down on one of the sofa’s and Pod hesitated a moment before sitting down next to her. He wasn’t touching her but he was close enough that she could feel his warmth. Sansa resisted the temptation to move closer to him for both warmth and comfort, but she only resisted for a moment. Why should she care about propriety any longer? She had already been married twice. This man sitting next to her had told her that he loved her. Why should she not take comfort in the presence of a man who loved her? Why should she try so hard to always be brave and strong when just maybe, she could find out what it felt like to be cared for? 

Sansa didn’t ask his permission, she just moved closer to him, picked up his arm so it could drape around her back while she lay her head against his chest. Pod was only surprised by her gesture for a moment. Then she felt both his arms come around her and she breathed a sigh of relief. The relief was followed by a flood of tears. Pod didn’t ask why she was crying. He just held her until she eventually fell asleep. 

***

Jon walked out into his solar that morning to find his red haired sister sleeping on the sofa in the arms of Ser Podrick Payne. His first thought was to make some noise and break the two of them apart. Then he saw the tear stains on Sansa’s cheeks, the wetness on Pod’s tunic. He had been comforting her. Sansa had been through enough. She ought to take whatever comfort she could get and if she trusted Podrick enough to be close to him, then he would do nothing to discourage their relationship. Besides, Pod was an honorable young man. He was a thousand times more worthy of Sansa than Joffrey or Ramsay had ever been. If the two of them wanted to be married someday, he would gladly give his blessing. Jon wandered out of the solar to attend to his duties, glad to see that Sansa had found a measure of happiness.


End file.
